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Happy Crappy New Year

Posted on December 30, 2009

Should I be having only a Happy Crappy New Year after just learning that malignant tumors are back in my brain?

Scans haven't detected anything there for some years.  I was optimistic.  But now, because of new tumor sightings, all bets are off medically-speaking, concerning my future.  This means my "worldly" future is dicey.  My dear Dr. Greer now purely speculates about what to do next.  This winter, he wants to serve up more ferocious chemo (third application, but more brutal each time), and then, later, probably radiation to the brain.

Such harsh poison, plus the radiation, could help contain the big C and secure me more time alive on this earth.  But it also can have possible perilous side-effects.  The side-effects could have the potential to be as brutal to my body as the cancer itself.  Because of this, I must confess that my soul lacks courage at times.

Personally, I'd like a miracle healing.  And I believe God still does that on occasion.  But let's face it; it is not the norm today.  Most Christians with serious illnesses don't get supernatural healings, although some faithful healing ministries operate in churches who are reaching out to heaven with pleas, fastings, and spiritual disciplines to release anointed healings.  But so far, as I presently observe, only a few people are supernaturally healed while most are not.

I actually did think at one time that I personally had received a miraculous healing.  But a scan proved me wrong.  That was a crushing moment for my wife and me.  Upon learning this, we lay in bed all night clinging to each other and to our Lord.

So, you might be asking, what is the net-effect now on me? - On me who truly loves Christ, and who loves to please him and to encourage others while God is still keeping me on the planet.

As you may or may not know, we are strictly saved because of God's mercy and not because of any good actions on our parts.  But after coming to faith through Christ, we veterans in Christ recognize that God loves to shower his goodness upon us, so that we might actively do the same for those immediately around us.

Sorry, but this process occurs only from the suffering we experience in our life.  Pain is what draws us closer to Christ's power and grace.  And as bizarre as it seems, our struggling evolves into a thing of joy.  Astonishing!  (I've personally been stirred to warm up to this truth much more.)

I know one thing for sure.  Nothing is happening to me that has not first passed through God's hands.  So, my mind and heart stay settled down and mostly quiet.  And I am dying to my own expectations, so I can experience His goodness once again to me.

Toward this end, I need to - and you also really need to - be paying attention to him every moment and hour.  To help us pay attention, He gives us "lanterns" in order to know what he has immediately in front of us.  He provides no high-powered flashlight to see the future.

The "lanterns" are the power of His Holy Spiritand the rock-solid guidance from His sure and true scriptures.

Our Lord has got our hearts and He has our backs.  Whenever He is finished with us and our part for His Kingdom here on earth, he'll usher each of us into the joys of heaven.  Until that time, it is all about dying to our own expectations and fully entrusting ourselves to him.

Ahhh, how such relinquishment brings inner peace?  It quiets the soul, especially when I personally experience the power of prayer of a handful of friends and family in whom I am confident is persistently lifting me up.

The prayers of these very precious few - and the mighty sovereignty of God - are what I am counting on to get me through my latest crisis.

I continue to pray to God to give me something truly in the miraculous.  Yes, I pray for this, but at the same time, my soul is at rest whether he does or not, because my soul relaxes in Him.

After all, how can I really know what He is up to when his Scriptures assure me that his decisions and methods are unsearchable and are beyond me to trace out (Romans 11:33-35).  So, whether through a miracle-healing or the guidance of my caring doc, my soul, today, is quieted as a young child is with his mother (Psalms 131:1-3).

You know what?  That is not such a crappy New Year after all.  That is a pretty good New Year, which is always the case when we're relaxed in His will and comforted by His great kindness.

Happy, Happy New Year to you! - blogs and my personal eight minute mp3s for men who need success in their struggles with anger, sexual lust, depression, and with soulfully connecting with a real accountability friend/brother or two. 

In 2010 may the Lord lavish you with more of His special favor and wonderful peace.

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